Carlos the Grapist
by Lovin' Big Time Rush
Summary: Big Time Rush spin off of Whitest Kids U Knows sketch: Grapist. Rated T for extreme immaturity. And NO SLASH! Are you surprised! I am. Lol. :


**A/N: So this is my little spin on a BTR version of WKUK's sketch: Grapist. Somethings are different some things are similar/the same. I was bored so i wrote this. Please review! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Whitest Kids U Know, nor do i own their sketch: Grapist. I don't own any quotes you may find that are the same in the sketch. I tried to make this a little different, but some quotes are still the same. And while I'm at it, I do not own Big Time Rush.**

"I want to be a superhero!" Carlos exclaimed. Carlos, Logan, Kendall, and James all sat on the tacky orange couch watching tv. "I want to have my own soda like superman!" Everyone except Carlos and James groaned. Why did the Superman Star Soda commercial have to come on? Of course, James had to egg Carlos on. He only did it because irritated Logan. Oh how he loved to irate the smart boy.

"Well Carlos, if you had your own soda, what would it be called?" James asked. Logan shot him a dirty look before closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Carlos always said Pineapple Pop, and he would always go on and on about how kids would just love it.

"Um... What about... Grape Blast?" Carlos asked looking at Kendall for his approval. Kendall thought for a second before nodding his head, while Logan stared at Carlos wide eyed. James looked surprised for a split second before clearing his throat.

"Well what would your commercial look like?" James gave Logan a small smirk then turned his attention to Carlos, who already seemed to know the answer.

"Well first it would show two kids in a room sleeping. Then, BAM! Id bust through the wall in a grape costume. I'd introduce the name of the soda, then while the kids were running away, id yell 'Open wide kids, because I'm gonna grape you in the mouth!'" Carlos replied excitedly. Logan did a spit take on the sweet tea he had been drinking.

"He's going to do what to them in the mouth?" Logan asked his eyes wide with disbelief.

"He's going to grape them." Carlos informed him.

"Grape them..."

"Yeah, in the mouth." Carlos smiled. Kendall snickered a little and James just waited to see what would happen next. "So there's more-" Logan cut Carlos off.

"No that's okay Carlos. I...don't want to here anymore." Logan tried to be as nice as possible, but he could still see hurt flicker in Carlos' eyes.

"Why?" he asked in a small child-like voice.

"Because...because I don't really like the catch phrase." Logan admitted.

"But that's his thing! He sneaks into little kids room in the middle of the night and he grapes them in the mouth!" Carlos defended. By now Kendall had his hand covering his mouth, trying not to laugh too loudly. James was looking at Logan expectantly, waiting for what he would say to poor, naive Carlos.

"Well Carlitos," Logan used Carlos' nickname to try soften him up, "It kind of sounds...well like...he's going to rape them."

"What? No! He's a grape! Get your mind out of the gutter!" Carlos yelled rather offended.

"Carlos has a point, he is a grape." Kendall imputed through a fit of giggles.

"Well I like it. Tell us more Carlos!" James said, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Okay, well then he runs after the screaming kids and yells 'Come back here kids! I'm going to tie you to a tree a grape you!'" Carlos uses hand motions to mimic tying them to a tree.

"What! Your going to tie them to a tree?" Logan bellows beyond confused, irritated, aggravated, and furious.

"Yep!" Carlos answers.

"I love it!" James pipes in.

"Shut it James. But seriously Carlos it sounds like he's going to rape you." Logan tried to reason, but Carlos huffed.

"That's how he grapes people! He's the Grapist!" Carlos explained.

"The Grapist? That's his name?" Logan yelled.

"The Grapist, classic!" James laughed, and Kendall joined in.

"Carlos, this is obviously a rape scenario!" Logan cried.

"Why are you trying to make this about rape?" Carlos asked looking curious.

"I'm not! Its just- Then why are the kids screaming?"

"Because I want them to be. Oh look that would little girl would be perfect," Carlos exclaimed pointing to the tv, "She's practically begging to be graped!"

"Wha-" Logan starts but Carlos interrupts him.

"I mean look at what she's wearing!"

"Look at what she's wearing? Do you even hear yourself?" Logan asked beyond bewithered at this point.

"Its purple!" Carlos said. Logan seemed to sigh in relief.

"Yeah! Grape those kids! I love it!" James called out beating his fist on the table.

"Do you guys want to hear more?" Carlos questioned.

"No-"

"Yes-"

"Sure-"

They all answered at the same time. Carlos smiled and continued despite Logans 'no'.

"Well of course I have to give a toy with it, so it will come with a free grape whistle!" Carlos cheered.

"This is too much." Logan replied getting up to leave. At this point, Kendall and James were literally rolling on the floor laughing.

"I love it!" James gasped out.

"Me too." Kendall laughed.

"Then its going to say 'Then im going to grape your mom and your dad...'" Logan didn't hear anymore as he slammed his bedroom door closed. How could anybody be so stupid?

**A/N: So if you guys haven't seen the video, you defiantly should! :D**


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